24 Mar 2013

Falsehoods programmers believe

Everyone’s names will be like mine.

Gender is binary.
Well, at least gender can be enumerated.

Time for programs is like time for people.
Well, at least time has always been like it is now.

The network will always be up (or sometimes down).
Well, at least network responses will make sense.

Users will only provide input that makes sense.
Well, at least users will only do things I expect.

Cryptography makes encrypted data secure from attackers.
Well, at least it’s pretty safe if I can’t break it.

My security questions won’t be answered by Amazon.
Well, at least security answers won’t be public on Facebook.

People won’t use ‘password’ as their password
Well, at least random passwords will be secure.

You can believe the API documentation.
Well, at least you can handle errors.

It’s not harassment if I’m okay with it.
Well, trolls are unstoppable, so my conscience is clear.

Now please excuse me, I’m off to find somewhere to sob quietly for a while without disturbing anyone. 😭